i had a dream last night again..
in fact.. i had 2 different dreams last night. :\
and this 2 things had been on my mind all along.
and the dreams i dreamt was so real.

the first dream i had was about somebody that i cared about ignoring me.
it was so real. like i was back in reality.
shall not go on much about this.

the second dream i had was about family.
recently, i had a dispute with my brother,
and i can't stand my presence in this family,
as if i was born to serve them as their maid.
Not that i MIND serving them, but if they can at least show some appreciation by respecting me, i WOULDN'T mind serving them at all..
And what i can't stand the most was how my parents had spoiled the 2 kings in the family.
so much so that they think they are right and correct in everything they do.
and how my parents are angry with almost everything that i've done.
Like everything that i've done was wrong and never good enough.
and what i dreamed of was i left home.
(something that somebody taught me in primary school, but something i have not done)
i left home and stayed over at one of my friend's house.
inside the dream, i could really feel the freedom that i wanted.
i was free of having to serve them.
i was free of having to look at all their unhappy expression that lingers in my mind ALL THE TIME.


i realised, the time spent with my family are the most quiet moments.
since when did we ran out of things to say?
and everytime we tried to talk and discuss something,
it always ended up with disagreements and quarrells.
i can no longer feel any love and care coming from this family.
everybody is like living their own life.
it just doesn't feel like family.
i can spend the whole day with them and we number of time we talked can be calculated just by using our fingers.
i needed love from them but i cant seem to feel any.
looking through my childhood photos today, i really missed those times when i'm still so naive, when just a simple hug/kiss from my parents could make me so happy.
how i loved being carried in the arms of my dad.
and looking at how he's ignoring me, couldn't be bothered by me now just saddens me, so much so that i could cry just by thinking about it.
looking at how we sibling were able to talk to one another without having to quarrell..
how my dad used to bring us out for a picnic at the beach and how we are stuck at nowhere to go, except staying home or at mum's shop.

i really feel that my life's quite empty.
there's no love and care.
as if my life in this world is just an extra.
as if the world is wasting its air on me.
really feel like crying my heart out.

if u wan to give me any present for christmas or my birthday, just give me the love and care that i really, badly needed. thanks.