i wonder who on earth qill people yearn going to work so early in the morning and dreads going home after work?
except me. i look forward to going to work and drags my leg home after work..
why do i have such an uncomfortable home/ family?
in this family, nothing is perfect. its just so imperfect that sometimes, i dread waking up in the morning. its so imperfect that i keep wondering when i will be out of this house. sometimes, i even wondered: would anybody even cared or noticed if i'm dead. seriously shit.
the people in this family only cares about the people OUTSIDE of this family. and they says i'm jealous? and who were the people who got so annoyed by me hanging and spending so much time with my friends???
and they said they care about me.. just by knowing what time i reach home?? they din even bother to ask if they need to fetch me if i said i will be home late or even bother to wait up.. and she said: so that's the reason i don wan you to go out right?? yea.. by not letting me out shows that you cared about me?? yea.. maybe.. right.. in some ways by not letting me out u are protecting me.. but have you even thought that by not letting me out, you are also hurting me? i spent so little time with my friends and i had to reject most of their offer to go out.. i had so little chance to made friends with people.. how am i going to learn to socialize with people when i grow up?? have u ever thought that without my friends.. who am i going to share all my troubles and happiness with.. not everything can be shared within a family you know.. and also as if you would be cared or even bothered about all the troubles i had.
and i wondered.. how well do you even know of your own daughter?? her strength, her weaknesses, her needs, her wants, her everything. you only know it when i told you.. i might be lying to you you know?
most of my complaints, my wants and my needs had gone into deaf ears. i don mean to be rude.. but its true.. everytime i told you there will be a date when i need to go out.. when did you remember? and when the date come and i go out, i will be facing a red bull when i reach home..
though i gt most of my necessary needs met and i'm contented with that.. but why cant i have the things my bro have? you bought camera to be shared and it became your son procession.. you bough itouch for ur own use and it became my other brother procession.. what about me? i nv had these things of urs. i was nv allowed to have.
you feel that you are fair to me. but i feel that everything is so unfair. just because i'm a girl, i have to suffer like this??? you might as well not forced me out into this world.. u shd have carried out ur idea of abortion and not listen to the doctor and gave birth to me to suffer..



i feel so unfilial talking about this kind of things..
especially here..
but once my anger has eased,
i will removed it..
for this moment, just let me vent my anger.