hmm.. i had a chat with a senior.
he doesnt know exactly what happened to me.
but from my nick and how i respond,
he gave me the advice that i think i just needed.

he told me i don have to say or do anything, just use my feeling.
and i told him if i were to use my feeling, i would have cried non stop.
and he says: if that's the feeling you have, don't fear and control, cause there will be an end. And u will understand that cryin will stop, and u will grow up to know it's not worth it anymore."
and i told him:" i don wish to have an ending, i mean, even if it were to end, it will be a happy ending."
he says:" if everything were to have a happy ending, u will have no learning at all. there is always a hard way to learn it hard."
i says:" i don know wad to learn from this."
he: " you can choose someone to listen to you and advice you. That's when u learnt most when people console you. Or u will have cry alot till u understand it."
i:" different people have different opinion on things ba, maye after crying and thorough thinking things will be better, but things still doesnt prove to be that way either."
i may be jus being paranoid.
he:" yup, i agree with you but u will learn something. why hurt yourself when the others and the world is still spinning? no one will wait for you.. cause others are moving on. Pamper yourself, everyone has a selfish side which is a must. Love yourself before you are even able to love others"
i:" can't i love some one else more than i love my myself?"
He:" You can love someone more than u love yourself but is that worth it? i mean is that person so much impt and worth after your mind gave a thought?"
i says:" i feel that the person is really quite impt to me"
He:" if is.. is that person still care for you or that person do care anymore.?"
I:" i don really know the ans.. i wish to know it too.. but even if i'm not being cared for, i still feel that the person is still very impt to me. i don wish to lose it."

but i truly believe in u.. that u still cared for me.. cause i trust u.

He," i just wan to say.. how much i say is no use.. i just u to know.. no one will ke lian u when the time comes to bad. what others can do for u is limited. go know the ans, silly faithful girl, being faithful only hurts yourself when the other side don care u at all. being blind is not wrong. but know when to give up."
I:" i will hold on till i can stand no longer cause that friend is really very important."

He doesnt know anything and he is able to give such advice. mades me look up to him.
haha.. but the whole conversation was actually quite meaningful. and i really mean it.
u will be my most important friend. i don know if u know who i refering to. but i still hope u know u are the one important friend i am refering to if u ever get to read this post of mine. =)
trust in me the way i trust in you. =)