i am talking to jiaying now on the phone while i am typing this blog.. i shared with her my feelings.. all of my feelings..we chatted on a lot of things.. we ended our call only around 347am in the morning..

we chatted about how we misses our school.. sec friends.. the life in sec sch.. the teachers.. trying to name all the teachers who taught us.. our most remembered teachers phrases.. mdm leow: you reap what you sow. my vijay: your colorful rainbow of results will come out after a thunderstorm, so wait for the thunderstorm to pass and you will see it, meanwhile, cheerup!. if i din remember wrongly that was wat he sent me when i cried badly over my prelims result in sec 4.. i realised that all of the sudden, alot of the teachers who taught me couldnt be remembered.. especially their name.. their figures may still be vivid... but lots were forgotten.. guess the remembered ones are those who really impacted my life.. like mdm leow and mr vijay.. mdm leow used to be my form teacher whn i am in sec 1 and 2.. i still remembered classmates saying she dotes on me the most.. in wad way, jiaying says she din scold me like how she scolds the other people? i don know i couldnt remembered much of it.. and mr vijay..taught me maths in sec 1.. the person who made me fall greatly in love with maths.. he became my form teacher when i am in sec 4.. and i remembered that i was actually quite rebellious towards him at the start of sec 4 years.. i even hated him for that period of time.. but nothing could change the fact that i still really love him and was really overjoyed when he became my form teacher.. he is just that kind of teacher who made you hate him and fall in love with him at the same time. but sadly, he went to RI to teach.. so i couldnt get to see him when i return to sec sch to visit the teachers.

and well.. the most important teacher in my life is actually my tuition teacher, miss chew! she taught me since i am in pri 3 to the day i graduated from sec sch.. she has been through with me for 7 years! i still remember.. when i did smthing wrong in sch.. and b4 the teachers can call my parents.. she will always help me to talk to my mum about it.. so that when my mum received the phone call from the teachers, she wont get so angry about it.. she saved my life so many times that it was even difficult to count it. she's the one that made my result improved a lot.. she always treat me to movie, lunch, dinner, games and a lot of things.. and during her lessons, with me laughing none stop.. and keeps disrupting her class.. but at the end of the day i still learn smth.. haha.. not to say that iam smart.. but then.. u know.. i am.. hahaha.. though i have graduated from her classes i still kept in contact with her.. like when everytime i sms her.. she will have predicted that a phone call will come next.. so when she is busy, she will quickly: don call me.. hahaha.. she is a funny teacher.. i really enjoyed my times with this teachers..

come to think about it.. i have alr graduated from sec sch., and i am now in poly, its actually time that i should have grown up.. and stop being a spoiled brat like b4.. i could actually still get angry and jealous easily.. especially when i am in front of my parents.. but i still love my parents.. cause they will still show that they care about me when they realised that i am actually jealous with somethings in ways that i can never really explain clearly.. the things they do may be nothing and small.. but it actually shows that they care.. and when i am with friends.. i still need them to take care of me.. a problematic girl i am i know.. not being able to take care of myself, not having proper meals.. though i feel bad that they actually care so much at times.. but i am really glad that it actually shows that they care alot about me and i really enjoyed being under their care though with the scoldings i get from them..

i am really afraid.. that if i really have grown up, i will lost all the care that i have from the people around me.. yes, i must admit that i am selfish to be behaving like a child and getting all the care from people.. but i am really afraid i will lose them all.. i must admit that i don like people who are 1 year younger than me and behaves like i do.. cause i must actually admit that i am afraid that they will snatch away all my loved ones from me.. i wonder what will happen if i lose them all.. i don not wish for that day to come..

so long since i last posted.. was quite busy with assignmentSS.. coming one after another.. so many things i had to let go because of that. well i had to let go, shouldn't me? assignments are impt.. i spent lesser time with my mum, sometimes ending up in conflicts with my friends? i don knoe..

i think i am really pathetic sometimes.. i waited so long for this chance to come, but when it comes, i had to let go of it. it was then i realised that, even though i have been waiting so long for this chance and fancy me thinking that i was actually ready for it. but when it really comes, and when i went to think about it, i realised that in actual fact, i am not ready for it yet.. and i gave the chance a miss... how stupid can i really get.. i don know..

lol.. sounded so emo.. but i am not ok.. haha... everything will pass with a smile! (",)

i jus came back from my RSP camp.. it was quite fun.. din regret going there though i dread going for the camp in the first place.

the first day we did was to go through a few ice breakers, team building games.. we had flag making and my group was named i-sceamers. reason being our group girls shout a lot and was very loud. then later on the group is separated into 2.. one went to buy the ingredients for the food making competition and the other group stayed to design the flags.. later on we also have the discussion for the desiging of clothes for the fashion week competition.. thats the onli part i dislike about the camp. if not the camp would have been near to perfection. i went for the cooking group.. had a fun time cooking.. and watching other cook and learning to cook.. haha.. after cooking, i went to the clubhouse to see that the clubhouse is empty and saw kelin and fish eating at cant1.. den after returning to the camp, i called kelin and told her that she can joined us for night walking and to hear that josh and group are back at the clubhouse.. hahahaha.. did not eat much for dinner.. den kelin and guoyang came over to pass me jacket and sweets.. den i joined the group for night walking as the mentors can choose not to go.. and after that was own time own target for the mentors.. so me jiaying, karen and shiwei went to lch to find josh.. and after that bathe and chat outside the dorm until my eyes couldnt take it an i went to sleep.

second day.. woke up at 7 plus.. quite tired.. haha.. had amazing race.. and after lunch we had dragon boat.. and i am praying for rain to come as i don wan to have sun burn and it really came.. that's why i say the god love me.. hahaha.. but we were kept under the rain for quite some time.. and it was really freezingly cold.. haha.. went up the bus and the uncle switch on the aircon and it became worst.. haha.. after that came back to sch to bathe and changed.. after that had games again.. haha.. den it was the designing of the fashion thing.. den the fashion show. den dinner.. after dinner had group reflections.. and was free time i think? couldnt remember much.. haha.. den went to night walk with maurice my GL with the other groups people.. and i too tired that after i came back i fall asleep.. haha..

third day.. morning wake up.. tired.. breakfast and went to track for some small games.. den after that was suppose to be station games.. but as were running out of time the changed the ganes to captain's ball.. i suffered injuries.. i cried!! haha.. den break camp.. went lch to find josh and we went to kap mac for lunch with the camp people.. haha.. den home swt home to slp.. from 2 pm to 7 pm.. haha.. had dinner at 9 and chatted in msn until 1am and i fall aslp..

now in lch.. blogging and people really.. don know how to say.. haha.. funny.. haha..

Happy new year!! wow.. its a brand new year.. a brand new beginning! time to start things afresh.. hahaha..

ben going out for the past week at the end of last year.. sec friends dinner.. sec 4 class gathering at ecp.. post christmas cum new year party with the leo in school.. went counting down with the leo people at the esplanade also.. do i really have my freedom alr? i wonder..

and i wonder a lot more things more than just that.. and i wonder why i wonder.. hahaha